<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>at least i keep her eyes in my life by anakinno</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25531798">at least i keep her eyes in my life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakinno/pseuds/anakinno'>anakinno</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Enjoying AoS Season 7 with as Much Angst as Possible [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>7x09, 7x09 spoilers, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Daisy Also Deserves Nice Things, Deke Deserves Nice Things, Deke POV, Eavesdropping, F/M, Introspection, Love, Love Triangles, Moving On, Speculation, Team as Family, Unrequited Love, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, hopping on the daisysousa train from here on out, kind of, like sousa, spec fic, very angsty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:29:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25531798</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakinno/pseuds/anakinno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Deke Shaw is many things, but he's not stupid.</i>
</p><p>or: Daisy Johnson looks at Daniel Sousa like he hung the moon and stars. Deke spends the next few hours after the time loop trying to figure out where exactly he went wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deke Shaw &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Deke Shaw/Skye | Daisy Johnson, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Enjoying AoS Season 7 with as Much Angst as Possible [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>fill the daisy/deke tag with actual content 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>at least i keep her eyes in my life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctuaria/gifts">Sanctuaria</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm back on my bullshit! And I present to you: my final Deke/Daisy fic based off of s7 for this series. Much like Sanctuaria's <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25524607/chapters/61929118">Good in Goodbye</a> (which you should totally go read if you haven't read it yet!), this fic is meant to close out the Deke/Daisy chapter of the show and help me get on board with Daisy/Sousa. Daisy deserves happiness, and if Sousa makes her happy, then I want them together.</p><p>This is kind of a companion/continuation of <i>summon all the courage you require</i>, but you don't have to read it before you read this. Sanctuaria—this is also an apology fic for the way I made you feel with that last line. Keep vibing &lt;3</p><p>Title is paraphrased from <i>Hamilton</i>, because Deke will never be satisfied.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Deke Shaw is many things: an entrepreneur, a (former) CEO, a grandson, a friend. An agent. He's many things, but he's not <em>stupid, </em>and he can sense the shift in atmosphere right away.</p><p>After the whole space-time-travel-vortex thing, and the time loop thing—he's still not sure if he believes Coulson and Daisy about that—and after Enoch's death, the entire team is upset. Quite visibly, too. Even May is distraught, or she wants to be, though it isn't apparent just by looking at her. Her stoic expression is belied by the way she grabs Coulson's hand and clutches it tightly. The two misfits—a Life-Model Decoy of a man the team had once loved and an unfeeling former SHIELD Agent. They're good for each other, he thinks as he helps his Nana boss the team around.</p><p>He very pointedly does not look in Daisy's direction.</p><p>She doesn't notice, of course—she's too busy staring longingly over at one Daniel Sousa. Hero of SHIELD, 1950s native, the new team sweetheart, and an all-around pain in Deke's ass.</p><p>His heart twists a little at that thought, so he jerks his gaze back down to his hands. The nails are bitten raw from worry, and his fingers smart when he curls them into fists and dares to look up again. Sure enough, Daisy is still staring at Daniel Sousa like he hung the moon and stars. </p><p>It's not like Deke is the guy who took a bullet for her or anything.</p><p>There's a murmur of quiet conversation amongst the team—Yo-Yo punches Mack in the arm lightly, her face lit up with a goodnatured smile that contrasts with the redness of her eyes—but no one seems to want to break the delicate balance they've created over the last two hours.</p><p>When Jemma announces that the <em>Zephyr </em>is in complete working order again—which is bullshit, Deke knows, because several of the time drive's warning lights are still flashing orange—Deke turns to her incredulously, mouth open to make a scathing comment about his Nana. It's not like the ship is going to blow up or anything, since these warning lights are not the most important, but the <em>Zephyr </em>is far from being like-new.</p><p>When he sees her expression, a no-bullshit-on-my-plane glare that she levels on Deke, he shuts his mouth with a <em>click.</em></p><p>Daisy puts up a fight when Nana tells her to go and get some rest. <em>Of course she does—</em>she feels like she has to carry the weight of this team on her shoulders. "But the quinjet still needs work," she complains, and she's absolutely right: the quinjet is still out of fuel after May and Yo-Yo's short mission to Afterlife.</p><p>However, Simmons gives her the same glare she gave Deke and bites out, "Go. To. Bed." Evidently, Deke is not the only one who finds that expression intimidating, because Daisy beats a hasty retreat from Mission Control in the direction of the bunks. After she's out of sight, Nana turns on the rest of the team and tells them to get some rest, one by one. Yo-Yo and Mack are awfully quick to leave, which makes Deke suspicious about what's <em>really </em>happening behind closed doors other than a thankful, tearful reunion.</p><p>Coulson declines Simmons' offer to power him down with a pained smile. "I think I'll just find somewhere to sit and keep watch," he says carefully, eyes scanning the four agents left in Control. "You look exhausted, Simmons. You should go and lie down—I can make sure nothing else goes wrong with the time drive."</p><p>"Don't jinx it," Deke mutters—he's fully prepared for another emergency situation to occur within the next two hours. It's non-stop with this team, seriously. </p><p>"I'm good," Simmons says. Her eyes, hard and steely, dare Coulson to argue. </p><p>Coulson doesn't take the risk—he mutters a few <em>goodnights, </em>mostly in the direction of Melinda May, and then slips away towards the cockpit.</p><p>May and Sousa make their excuses soon after—both of them avoiding Simmons' eyes—and then it's just Nana and Deke left alone in the space. It feels too cold, somehow, without the team to fill it out. This ship was made for <em>missions, </em>for teamwork, for bonding.</p><p>Deke has never felt more alone.</p><p>"Why did you tell them the Z1 was in full working order?" he asks Simmons as she bustles around the time drive, evidently trying to look busy and drive him away, all at the same time. "We still have to calibrate the navicomputer and refuel the quinjet and—"</p><p>"Oh, give it a rest, Deke," Simmons says, but her voice just sounds tired and watery, like she's trying not to cry. Deke tries not to wince at the words, the bottom dropping out of his stomach. "I'll finish the other tasks by myself."</p><p>"But you—" </p><p>"I'm <em>fine, </em>Deke," she bites out, probably harder than she means to. The tone of her voice makes Deke flinch ever-so-slightly. "Go join the others."</p><p><em>No, you're not, </em>Deke wants to say. <em>You haven't been fine. Not since you lost Fitz.</em></p><p>Because Enoch was Simmons' last connection to the love of her life—other than Deke, of course, whose connection to Fitzsimmons' combined brilliance is tenuous at best. Enoch's death means they are one step further away from finding Leopold Fitz, wherever he is, and Nana can't possibly think that that's <em>okay.</em></p><p>"You need help," he says instead, because he is <em>not </em>leaving his Nana alone to deal with this. Not anymore. "Tell me what to do."</p><p>She gives him a look filled to the brim with bitterness, pain, and resignation, a look that Deke hopes he never has to see again. "Go to bed," she says. "That's all I need from you right now."</p><p>And with that, she turns away, leaving Deke to gape after her. After a moment, he regains the ability to <em>think</em> as he stares at his Nana's back. She's never spoken to him like that before. Even when the rest of the team teases him, she never jumps on the bandwagon. Nana has always jumped to his defense, even that one time when Fitz grew angry at his only grandson.</p><p>The rational part of Deke's brain is aware that his Nana is experiencing intense grief, and she probably doesn't want to be disturbed right now. So he does the only thing he can do: he turns on his heel and practically sprints out of Mission Control, letting the door slide shut behind him with a <em>click.</em></p><p><em>And if the cup of tea he leaves at the lab door stays there untouched and growing cold... well. </em>He'll make a thousand cups of tea if any one of them would only make Simmons smile again.</p><p>After he settles the china cup down at the threshold to the lab, along with a handwritten note for his Nana, Deke moves on autopilot through the hallways of the <em>Zephyr. </em>He trundles through Medical and the mess hall and past the door where the bunks are housed. He's far too worked up to sleep, though: he walks around in loops, letting his feet and muscle memory take over as he mulls over the last twenty-four hours.</p><p>He can't believe his performance with the Deke Squad was less than two days ago. It feels like a lifetime has passed since he stood on that stage, covered in sweat and eyeliner and body glitter and grinning like a maniac. Since Mack watched him sing with a disdainful eye. </p><p>
  <em>(Daisy) Don't you forget about me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't Don't Don't Don't</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't you forget about me</em>
</p><p>God, he feels like an idiot. He'd written Daisy's name into the plagiarized song out of some misplaced sense of hope. He knew the <em>Zephyr </em>would get back to them eventually—and with it, one Daisy Johnson. Deke hopes Mack has the sense not to mention the revised lyrics to Daisy, but knowing his luck, she's probably already heard about it.</p><p>Daisy and Sousa, huh.</p><p>He'd known, and he hates himself for it. Somehow, he's known since the moment that Daniel Sousa carried Daisy back to the <em>Zephyr </em>unconscious in his arms, blood seeping through her clothes. Sousa had been frantic with worry as he stumbled up the ramp, eyes for no one except Daisy, and Deke had thought, <em>oh. </em>Something had broken within him then. He's always known that Sousa had a thing for Daisy, but it's a completely different food sack of fish to find out that Daisy returns the sentiment.</p><p>Something must have happened during the time loop between the two of them. Daisy's glances are a little bolder—her laughter a little louder—her face a little more flushed around Sousa. <em>She didn't pick me, </em>Deke thinks, and it hurts because it's <em>true</em>. Not even his Nana had chosen him at first—she'd kind of awkwardly adopted this little future boy grandson who kept tagging along with the SHIELD team.</p><p>His feet take him to the quinjet's docking bay, unbidden—a safe, empty space. In the low emergency lighting of the <em>Zephyr's </em>underbelly, he can just make out the silhouette of the quinjet amidst the gloom. Everyone else on the ship is sleeping, except Coulson, so Deke takes in a deep breath, sinks to the floor with his back against the doorframe, and begins the long and arduous process of organizing his thoughts into something coherent.</p><p>It's always been calming for him: the process of sorting through his emotions mechanically in his head. When he was a kid in the Lighthouse, years before SHIELD showed up, he used to keep himself up at night running scenarios in his head. Deke is the Idea Man, capitalization intended.</p><p>As he thinks, he taps his fingers on the metal floor. Deke is always in movement; he's never been good at staying still. But this is for him and him only: a phantom rhythm, unheard by anyone except him, punctuated by the hiss of recycled air being pushed through the ship's filtration system. </p><p>First things first: he needs to talk to Daisy. Deke has never been good at the long haul or at playing it cool—even the lemons were a stretch of his patience. He wants to hear this from her, first, if it really is true. Even if Sousa is unaware how she feels.</p><p>And Deke's issues with sitting still (and the thoughts that are currently racing through his brain!) mean that he wants to talk to her <em>right now, </em>reasonable hour be damned. If she's anything like him (which he doesn't doubt—it had been the whole reason he was attracted to her in the first place), she's probably having trouble speaking. This could be his only chance to speak to her before the next catastrophe occurs.</p><p>(Deke has learned not to underestimate the power of this team in getting themselves into rapidly worsening emergency situations).</p><p>So Deke pulls himself to his feet, checks the chrono—which shows that an hour has passed, holy shit, how did he spent <em>that </em>long walking and thinking?—and begins the long, painful process of searching the <em>Zephyr </em>for Daisy Johnson.</p><p>Maybe that's an exaggeration. It's not painful, by any means—Deke confirms that Daisy is not asleep in the bunks with a quick glance inside. He huffs, closes the door, and continues on his way.</p><p>Simmons is still up, bent over her worktable in the lab. Deke notices his second cup of tea, the one he'd made for her after he'd taken away the one that had gone cold, by her side on the tabletop. It looks like she's been taking sips of it, which is better than nothing. His heart twists with fondness for his Nana and he has to turn away. <em>She doesn't want my help, </em>he reminds himself heartlessly. <em>It's better this way.</em></p><p>And if his eyes sting with tears, well. At least he's not the only one crying.</p><p>He continues down the hallway towards the other areas of the ship. Deke passes Medical again, which is out of operation for the time being—<em>let's hope no one gets severely injured in the next two days, </em>he thinks savagely.</p><p>Voices carry down the hall as he comes closer to the cockpit, and he realizes with a start that it's <em>Daisy </em>talking. Daisy, and...</p><p>Coulson. Deke can tell by the inflection of his voice as he says,<em> "Have you spoken to Sousa yet?"</em> The words are muffled by the door, but Deke gets the gist almost immediately. He feels like he's been punched in the gut—if <em>Coulson,</em> the unofficial team leader and Daisy's practically adoptive father, can see the telltale tension between Daisy and Sousa... it's well and truly over for Deke.</p><p>He has to lean in to hear Daisy's response, an indignant splutter that finishes with, <em>"Daniel—Sousa and I—"</em></p><p><em>"Don't worry," </em>Coulson says, as if it means nothing. <em>"I think I'm the only one who noticed. Did something happen during the time loop?"</em></p><p>Which is, coincidentally, the exact same thing that <em>Deke</em> wants to know. Ignoring the tug in his chest that says <em>eavesdropping is bad! this is a private conversation!, </em>he leans in even closer in order to catch the tail end of Daisy's explanation. Something about how Sousa is such a great guy and really respects her, yadda yadda. </p><p>(In all seriousness, he hears what Daisy is saying. And he respects it: Sousa wants to be there to pick Daisy up, especially when she isn't taking care of herself. Only problem is, Deke has wanted to do the same for the past few <em>years, </em>and he's never received, or even expected, special treatment because of it).</p><p>
  <em>"...And, also—I-might-have-kissed-him-during-one-of-the-loops-that-he-doesn't-remember."</em>
</p><p>Deke blanches and pulls away from the door, feeling the blood drain out of his face. That—that complicates things.</p><p><em>"So I'm guessing Deke is out of the picture," </em>Coulson adds, which <em>hurts. </em>Even Coulson doesn't think Deke stands a chance against this guy—SHIELD hero and all-around charmer, apparently.</p><p><em>"I haven't told him yet," </em>comes Daisy's voice. <em>"I was planning to. Maybe... maybe when he wakes up."</em></p><p>Deke's heart fills with fondness for this woman, in spite of himself—evidently, she recognizes that she can't string him along forever, and that he wants to hear it from her.</p><p>Coulson sighs. <em>"Don't string him along," </em>he tells Daisy. <em>"Deke deserves more than that. Please don't hurt him. If you do it right, he shouldn't react too badly, all things considered."</em></p><p>And that—<em>that </em>makes Deke's throat close up with a mixture of new, conflicting emotions that he struggles to sort through. He's grateful to Coulson for defending him and trying to make sure he isn't hurt by Daisy, even though it feels a little patronizing. At the same time, he's frustrated that Coulson thinks he won't react badly, and overcome with the urge to prove him wrong. Maybe Deke should invent a machine that destroys every lemon on the entire planet, just to get back at Coulson </p><p>Hm... that's an interesting concept. Deke files it away for another time as he peels himself back from the door, hands trembling with grief, upset, and exhaustion. He doesn't want to hear another word of this conversation, no matter how many more times they mention him.</p><p>When he gets back to the bunks, he slides into his own quietly, shutting his eyes tight against the wave of tiredness that floods through him. He hasn't slept in, what, two days? Four days? He's going to enjoy the rest of this "time off" as much as he can.</p><p>About another ten minutes pass as Deke lies awake, listening to the sound of breathing and the ship's systems gone into overdrive. Suddenly, he hears Daisy's footsteps in the hall outside, and he quickly turns over so that his back is facing the door. He can't let her see the emotion on his face; not now, when everything is so fragile and fraught.</p><p>He hears the door <em>click</em> behind her as it slides shut, and Daisy's soft footsteps come towards him on the metal floor. He clutches the pillow a little tighter as complete silence falls, save for Mack, May, Sousa, and Yo-Yo's deep breathing and the hum of recycled air.</p><p>"Deke?" Daisy whispers, loud enough for him to hear faintly. Her voice is tinged with an emotion he can't quite make out. "Was that you? Are you awake?"</p><p>Deke doesn't respond. He lies stiller than he's ever actually laid while sleeping. After a moment of silence, he hears Daisy let out a self-deprecating sigh. </p><p>"I thought I heard something," she murmurs to herself. He can feel her eyes on the back of his neck, scrutinizing. "It was probably just a rat or something," she adds, though she doesn't sound sure. Her voice is still barely loud enough to hear over all the other background noise.</p><p>The metal bunks creak after another few footsteps, and Deke realizes that Daisy's just pulled herself up into her bunk. She turns over, and after a minute her breathing evens out. Evidently, her conversation with Coulson had calmed her enough that she's fallen asleep instantly.</p><p>Deke lies there, alone in the silence with nothing but his thoughts for company, and tries not to cry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not me trying to parallel Daisy's and Deke's reactions to Jemma's grief... never. Also, if you're noticing similar lines/sentiments between the two fics, that was kind of on purpose. I wanted to show that Deke and Daisy have similar approaches based on what they notice about the people around them, but they also differ in so many ways that we don't realize.</p><p>Is it unrealistic for everyone on the team to be sleeping at once? Yes. You can tear my "the team gets a chance to rest for once in a fucking while" plotline out of my dead cold hands.</p><p>Um... do you want me to write a second chapter to this? I'm up for the idea but I want to know what you think. Also, I love you guys and I'm super grateful for the reception this series has gotten! I'm on <a href="https://anakinnope.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> so please come say hi :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>